This is quite a personal post, so if you don’t like them, don’t read, or don’t complain.
I have been feeling very stressed and ill recently which is because I worry. I worry about nearly everything. But the problem is, I only worry when I’m away from my mum. When Im at home, I’m okay. When I step outside of that door, I’m on my own, no support. I’ve been to the doctors and they do nothing. I’ve seen the school support officer, she is not that much help either. So, I’ve diagnosed myself with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I can’t really talk to many people in my life about this because they just don’t understand. I’ve read up on the symptoms and I have:
- worrying significantly disrupts school
- worrying is uncontrollable, I can’t do anything to stop it
- worrying is extremely upsetting
- worrying about the worst that can happen
- worrying almost everyday
- Intrusive thoughts about things that make you anxious; you try to avoid thinking about them, but you can’t
- Difficulty concentrating or focusing on things
- Putting things off because you feel overwhelmed
- Avoiding situations that make you anxious
- Feeling uncomfortable when I am on my own
I also looked up the childhood/teenage signs of GAD and I have:
- ’What if’ fears
- Perfectionism, excessive self criticism, fear of making mistakes
- Feeling that I am to blame for everything
- Need for frequent reassurance and approval
I just felt like I had to tell someone about it, and I wan’t people to try and understand. Its awful. I hate going to school because I’m terrified that I will feel ill. At school, when Im under a stressful situation, I just want to run away to the toilets and be sick. It even happens when Im with my friends. It’s embarrassing. I wan’t to just cry and lock myself away where no one can find me. I remember being in class one day and I was shaking. But no one noticed. I was alone. I felt like I was shouting but no one could here me. I felt like I was going to burst into tears and no one would even care, and I just wanted to run.
I don’t know why I decided to write this, I just need to update and keep an online diary of my thoughts and feelings.